By Ruth Gryniewicz
path of obedience
In order to confirm my discernment, perhaps hoping that I would be proved to have heard the Lord incorrectly, I sought the advice of others, and at every turn I encountered confirmation. This clearly appeared to be the Lord’s will. And so I set out to earn a Masters in Education, training as a teacher. But I frequently found myself back on my knees pleading “Why, Lord?” Then one day the Lord taught me a deeper meaning of surrender. He revealed that I did not need to know why – he was asking obedience of me, not understanding. This obedience is a daily battle and requires me to continually reject the doubts, rebuke the tempter, and renew my surrender.
As I near the end of this year of teacher training I still do not know what the outcome of my future career will be. I may decide to teach or I may decide to do something else. But I am realizing that the Lord has used this time to train me in more than just teaching. I have experienced the importance of surrender, at every moment, and in every situation.
This has not been an easy year and in many ways I feel as though I have been wandering in the wilderness – like the people of Israel did after their deliverance from Egypt. I am frequently desperate to give up – “Lord, hasn’t my will been broken enough? Where is this obedience leading me, anyway?” I have experienced my own weakness in a tangible, substantial way. I have had to daily live the truth that without Christ, I can do nothing.
Lord in the wilderness
Like the manna which could not be stockpiled for future use, I have learned that I cannot stockpile God’s grace for the future. I must not forget that I need Christ’s grace all the time. Through binding my will in obedience I have discovered a deeper freedom and purpose for my life. Christ is bringing me to the place where I can say, “in your will, Lord, is my peace.”
His will, once so distasteful, is becoming my delight. And as Christ
calls me out of my own inclinations, I find there is more room to give
and receive love. I now realize that this path of obedience, which I thought
was leading into a trackless waste, has actually brought me more fully
into the presence of the Lord.
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