In October, 2017,
my husband and I were promoted to parenthood.
When I gave birth to our son that day, I felt
like a huge part of me died at the hospital,
but only to be reborn: I am a mother now!
As the psychiatrist Dr. Daniel Stern explains
in his books “The Birth of a Mother” and “The
Motherhood Constellation,” giving birth to a
new identity can be as demanding as giving
birth to a baby. Dr. Stern explains that
becoming a mother is a major identity shift.
Well, I couldn’t agree more! Part of
what magnified my own changing role and
identity shift was living in a new place and
not having parents and in-laws on hand during
those first few weeks.
Living away from Lebanon (the place I had
called home all my life), having our son
arrive 2 weeks before his due date, and a
sheer lack of luck made it hard for our
parents to be with us right away. So, we were
new parents in our own survival mode, trying
to figure out what should come first: the
diaper change or the feeding. And then came
the existential questions: Who are we? What
are we doing? Is he fine? Is he well fed? Is
he happy? And the golden question: Are we good
parents?
At the beginning, I was apprehensive after
every weekend because it meant my husband
would be going back to work and I would soon
be back on survival mode alone with our little
baby. I slowly came to realize that I was
scared of the responsibility of my own son! I
found myself not taking advantage of the
blessing of time with my son and the
opportunity for unconditional love imitating
that of God, our heavenly father.
It was over time that I realized that nothing
really died that day at the hospital, but
rather I was given an opportunity to be reborn
and to actively participate in God's creation.
I was blessed enough to become a mother! And
then again a second time... and I love it!
It's true that becoming a parent is basically
synonymous with taking your very own heart out
of your body and placing it there for the rest
of your life, but most of the time giving is
better than receiving and that's been my
experience of parenthood - that losing my
life, giving myself, is actually gaining
something. “Whoever tries to keep their life
will lose it, and whoever loses their life
will preserve it.” (Luke 17:33)
This parenthood has been about purpose driven
sacrifice that requires daily decisions, not
just a one time choice. My everyday life is
honestly not sunshine and rainbows; who are we
kidding, there are days where I find myself
cooking dinner using one hand, holding my
daughter in the other (and on lucky days, my
son as well). There are days I'm wishing that
their nap would last just 15 minutes longer so
I can finish the freelance project I'm working
on, due in under an hour. But what matters
most amidst all these things is that I'm not
afraid of being a mother. On the contrary, I'm
grateful that I can work from home, be with my
kids all day, see them grow and develop, laugh
at their giggles, and cheer their
accomplishments big and small (from holding
their own bottle to finishing a new puzzle).
The blessings are in the details.
In most situations in life, there's no one
size fits all; there's no perfect standardized
template of a mother. Instead, perfect
parenthood for me has been that which is ok
with being imperfect and that which responds
to the specific call and the much needed grace
the Lord offers for every situation. At the
end, yes the months and years pass by so
quickly though the days might sometimes feel
long, but what gives me peace is knowing that
His grace is sufficient and His love is
unconditional.
This article (c) by Daisy Codouni
was first published in 2018 in The
Lois Project
Daisy originally hails from Lebanon and
works as a freelance graphic designer with
the aim of bringing beauty and visual appeal
into everything she does. She has been part
of the Word of Life community in Ann Arbor,
Michigan ever since she married to her
husband Greg in 2016. She joined the Lois
project team to highlight the beauty of
motherhood and to foster stronger
connections and sharing between mothers. She
now has two children and enjoys arts and
crafts, sports, cooking, outdoor adventures,
time with friends and planning themed
parties.
