Saying No
To The Blame Game.
by Tom
Caballes
“God
opposes the proud but gives grace to
the humble” - James
4:6 ESV
When things go awry in life,
it is so easy to start pointing fingers at
others. We look at possible culprits of why
the things went haywire, and the last person
we look at is ourselves if we ever do that. We
tend to feel we are always victims of people
and circumstances and it is never our fault–
and by thinking this way, we are not able to
resolve challenges, learn, and move on
well. Many disagreements, divorces, and
conflicts could have been avoided if we all
look at ourselves first and not find
scapegoats. Blaming others is a copout to what
God wants us to do in our lives, which is to
take personal ownership and responsibility for
our lives. It blinds us from accepting
our own mistakes and changing for the better.
Blaming also causes a lot of strife and
disunity within a family, with friends, at
work, or in the Christian community. How often
do you play the blame game?
So How Do We
Avoid the Blame Game and Take
More Responsibility for Our
Lives?
- Develop
a habit of humility when we approach
challenging situations. Instead of
thinking first about how others contributed
to the bad situation, look first at
ourselves and how we affected the situation
negatively. Stop being defensive; humbly
admit your faults. If others did not perform
their role well, let us look first if we did
our job well or not. This is a habit to some
that need to be slowly removed from their
lives.
- Stop
making excuses about your life and move on.
We can choose to blame every single bad
thing to everyone – our parents, bosses,
leaders, society, and so on. Making excuses
justifies our negative situation in life –
and we stay there. We box ourselves from
growing. If people abused and hurt us in the
past, we need to reconcile with them,
forgive them from the heart, and carry on in
life by taking ownership of our direction in
life. Don’t carry any resentments and hurts
in life; these things tie you up from being
free to live out your life well fully.
- Look
at the bad situation as a learning
experience: how can I grow in character in
this failure? What can I do the next time to
avoid repeating the same situation? How can
I become more loving through this
experience?
- If
the situation is clearly the fault of
another person, be gentle and sympathise. Be
compassionate and respectful to everyone;
you are not perfect, just like everyone
else. The next time things do not work out
well, it might be your turn to be the party
at fault. Treat everyone as you wish to be
treated.
- Have
a team spirit at home, in school and at
work. You are always a part of a team – you
are not there to prove how good you are to
others and that you never make a mistake.
Sometimes there is that desire to appear
faultless in front of others. In all
situations, aim to be loving and stop
blaming.
- The
habit of blaming others comes from pride,
arrogance, self-righteousness, and
laziness. It is much easier to point
fingers at others than for us to change. But
the habit of blaming others is very
destructive to families, friendships, and
communities. If you have that habit, start
uprooting it before it damages your most
significant relationships in life. Reclaim
your life by taking ownership of it.
Other Scripture passages:
- Now
the works of the flesh are evident: sexual
immorality, impurity, sensuality,
idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife,
jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries,
dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness,
orgies, and things like these. I warn you,
as I warned you before, that those who do
such things will not inherit the kingdom
of God. (Galatians 5:19-21 ESV)
- The
reward for humility and fear of the LORD
is riches and honour and life. (Proverbs
22:4 ESV)
- For
everyone who exalts himself will be
humbled, and he who humbles himself will
be exalted.(Luke 14:11 ESV)
- Other
Bible verses: Proverbs 11:2;
Philippians 2: 3-4; 1 Peter 5:6; and
Colossians 3:12
For
personal reflection or
group sharing
- When
things do not go well with you, do you look
for scapegoats or do you look at how you can
do better?
- How
can you improve in the area of taking
personal responsibility and stopping the
blame game?
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Tom
Caballes is the
National Senior
Administrator and a
National Coordinator
of the Lamb
of God, a
community of the
Sword of the Spirit
with 7 branches
located throughout
New Zealand. Tom
also leads Kairos
New
Zealand, an
outreach program for
high school,
university, and
post-university aged
people.
Tom and
his wife Mhel and
their two
daughters live in
Wellington, New
Zealand.
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Top image
credit:
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